Eh, I'm a bit behind on this, but anyway, I went to a semi-impromptu jam session at church on Saturday night, and it was really fun. ^_^ I say semi-impromptu because I got notice of it sometime in the afternoon, so it wasn't like people were all just sitting around at the church and we suddenly decided to start jamming; there was an element of planning involved.
At any rate, we were there from seven thirty to...ten something? Eleven? I don't really remember, but it was quite a while. It's something pretty special, to be able to come together just to worship God, not because it's Sunday service or fellowship, or something that's part of a program, but because you want to.
I realized something that night though: people at church think of me as a kind of floater. It's nice that people are glad to see me around, but it makes me feel guilty that they'd feel so surprised that I'm there, y'know? I wonder if I've given the impression that other things (like hockey or anime) are more important to me than church things (taken to be synonymous with God)?
To kind of illustrate that, I remember that Matt once asked me if I was putting anime before God because I was going to a Utarpa showing instead of trying of CCF with my friend Jen. I was kind of taken aback. When I talked about it with another friend later, he said that I should have replied that I was putting anime before CCF, not God. I mean, I made a commitment to Utarpa, so was I supposed to break that commitment just for "church things".
In the case of hockey, if I hadn't gone to the jam session, but had stayed home to watch the Ottawa @ Toronto game, would I have been accused of putting hockey before God? I mean, I had been looking forward to Hockey Day in Canada since I had first heard about it. I had made plans to stay home and enjoy it. I didn't catch much of the afternoon programming because I took my mom out shopping, but I had planned to at least watch the Leafs' game. Would it have been so wrong for me to choose not to change my plans--to stay home to watch hockey and to miss the jam session--just because it was a plan made only with myself, and not a commitment to someone else?
Back to the floater issue, though, I actually started noticing this before then, like when Ken mentioned that the reason Sharon wanted me specifically to write an article for the Lighthouse about the Lifelong Learning classes is because I was supposed to be a good example of someone who "came back" to Sunday school because of the classes. In my opinion, that's totally ridiculous. Yes, in my first year of university I didn't really attend Sunday school, but that had nothing to do with the classes that were being offered; I just didn't want to commit to Sunday school in Mississauga when I knew that I thought I would be spending half of my time in churches downtown. That didn't really happen though, and this year I decided that I would give up trying churches downtown and just attend church in Mississauga every week, so of course I would start attending Sunday school again.
I admit that it's pretty true that I'm a floater when it comes to JOY. Not that I'm trying to make excuses or anything, but I've got Utarpa at least once a month, I've been trying to stay downtown for more weekends (to get homework done), and when I am back I try to leave my time available to take my mom out shopping if she wants to go. So yeah, I only go to JOY when the program really intrigues me. I suspect that will change next year when I'm commuting, though.
Guess the point is about that is that I am kind of being anti-social. In high school I went to the WAY every week not only because I wanted to experience God through fellowship, or because I had responsibilities as a committee member, but also, to be honest, because I wanted to be with the people there. When I entered university I pulled back into myself. Fellowship became less important, and I focused more on developing my relationship with God one-on-one. I can see how that might not have been the best or most beneficial choice, but at the same time, I think it really helped me to grow a lot. More removed from the support network of "church people" I was able to learn that you shouldn't rely so much on others to help you grow as a Christian, you should rely on God first and foremost. Honestly I don't think I could've come to that conclusion without isolating myself somewhat, or feeling somewhat isolated myself, from my circle of Christian friends.
