I can't think of anything current to talk about, so I'm going to write about something that's been in the back of my mind for a while and has recently resurfaced.
When the '02 season committee for my church softball league met in October, we did a recap of the season and talked about the future of the league, and where we saw ourselves in relation to that future. I admit that I didn't do a lot of praying about it beforehand or anything, but I knew going in that I would definitely stay on for the committee of '03. As it turned out, I was the only one prepared to make that commitment.
To be honest it really freaked me out. I never expected everyone to stay on the committee, but I didn't expect to be the only left either. In future years I might look back on that day and remember it as the turning point of my ministry involvement. You see, that day I wondered what I would do if we couldn't find others interested in serving on the committee. Sure, we'd had a one-person committee before, but that person had actually been skilled in organizing the league. He understood the logistics of running a league, and he could keep the vision and purpose of the league in mind, rather than getting bogged down by the details; me, I wasn't, am not particularly skilled in either area. But in the midst of all my worries, the thought came to my mind that I should have more faith in God. I should trust that God would call people to serve, and trust that even if he didn't, that he would still work in a league with a committee of one inexperienced and unconfident person.
Another thing I'm learning from this is how to rely on God's strength, rather than my own. In most things I still do my own thing, go my own way, but in matters concerning the league, I think I'm starting to let go of my own control. When I thought about doing the committee solo, I said no way, there's no way I could do this on my own. And that was exactly the attitude that I needed. It was humbling to realize that my own power and abilities wouldn't be enough, and it forced me to recognize that anything that I accomplished in the league wouldn't really be me, but working through me. Understanding that, I've been able to pray more regularly for the league than I even did in the summer, while softball was running!
Speaking of praying, feeling more responsible league has also made me realize that I need to be more active in seeking to grow as a Christian. Last year with the committee that we had, I rather felt like I was the most spiritually immature, so I looked to everyone else to help keep things focused on God, to keep me and us as a committee accountable. Now I feel like I should be the one sharing the vision for the league, to work on keeping God at the center of everything that the new committee (whomever it may be made up of) does. In order to do that, I'm going to have to be constantly seeking God myself, and that's something I've been lackadaisical about for a while now. My devotions are pretty hit and miss, and even though I'm praying more, I'm still not disciplined about it.
So I guess feeling that I have to step up, to take responsibility for softball has been a beneficial kick in the behind to me. It's already made changes in me, and it's prompting me to make even more. I think responsibility is a great motivator. All potentially "troublesome" children should be put in charge of the class hamster or something! Whoops, sorry, that was a pretty big jump. =Þ Anyway, I'm glad I'm writing this all now so that a maybe a few months down the line, or when the softball season starts, I can reread this and hold myself accountable to continuing the growth that I've recorded as started.
