Argh! This Flooble Chatterbox thing just hasn't been working all that well for me! So I've tried to install a Tag-Board (yes, I feel like a sheep, following the trend! ^^;;) but even that doesn't seem to be working! Maybe it has something to do with blogpsot.com? Bah! This is what happens when you're too cheap to pay for your own server space, domain, or whatever!
Just like my commenting system! I'm forced to rely on a hosted commenting system, because I don't have server space, or whatever, for anything other than my comments in this blog! Boo! Feeling quite limited here, especially since I've seen all the cool stuff other people are doing.
Ah well. I guess I should just be happy that I have some way of posting my thoughts and not worry too much about soliciting comments from people. It's hard, though, because I really like getting comments from people--makes me feel a bit less like I'm babbling in the wind!
On the subject of readership, I've come to realize that knowing who reads my blog isn't always a good thing. When I first started this blog I believe one of the goals, or intentions, that I mentioned was that I wanted to be real in my posts. Yet, even though there have been several issues on my mind, which I've wanted to discuss here, because I'm aware of the fact that some of my in-person (not just internet) friends read this, I've hesitated to write exactly what's on my mind.
It's not that it would be insulting or anything, it's just that some of it's fairly personal, and as I've gotten older, I've developed a very deeply held need to hold my own counsel. Sure, I share things personal things with close friends, etc. but I'm always very aware that even those "personal things" are still just things that lie shallow beneath the surface; they're still part of the veneer. I guess I'm just afraid of making my true self vulnerable. See, if people don't like the facade, the mask that I use in public, that's fine, because deep down I know that it's not really me that they're seeing. If, however, I show my truest self, and they don't like me, well, then the rejection will become very real and far more painful.
Even looking over what I've written so far, I can see that, although I'm being honest, I'm still playing it safe. I mean, most people accept the idea of presenting different faces to different people in various situations, and most people probably do so as well, so I'm not exactly making myself vulnerable by admitting that I'm one of the crowd.
