I went to a funeral viewing today (technically yesterday) and the experience was totally different from what I would have expected. It was clearly a sad time for the family, but there was also a feeling of peace and acceptance. The deceased, a friend's grandmother, had lived a long life and had passed away easily. My friend's sister had created some photo collages in tribute of their grandmother, and it was clear that the family had enjoyed many joyful times together. The grandfather talked about how he had first met his wife and about the fifty years of marriage they had shared together. There was laughter. Over and over the family gave thanks for the time they had had together and that their beloved wife, mother, and grandmother had gone to be with the Lord.
As I reflect on the experience, I realize that I would hope for a similar passing. The one thing I would wish, however selfishly, is that I would die fairly early so that it would be appropriate to have a wake. While the funeral viewing was far less uncomfortable than I expected it to be, it was still kind of an awkward experience; I would far rather that my friends could come together to share food, drink and fond reminiscences--not to mention I can't imagine how it could be comforting for friends and family to see my, excuse the crudeness, made-up but still very dead body--rather than exchanging murmured condolences and memories in such a solemn atmosphere as that in a funeral home. If I have come to appreciate the closure of funeral ceremonies (I used to think that cremation was a better, cleaner, more efficient way to deal with things), I doubt that I will ever understand funeral viewings. It would be my greatest desire to have friends and family celebrate my life in a comfortable gathering like the get-togethers and parties that I so enjoy organizing at present.
When I first picked up an anthology of poetry by Byron, Tennyson, Keats and Shelley for some leisure reading, I came across a beautiful piece entitled "Dirge" that completely expressed my feelings that death should be a cause to celebrate a person's life, rather than to mourn someone's passing. Unfortunately I've never been able to find that poem since I returned the book to the library (if anyone knows that poem--I'm fairly certain it was by Byron or Tennyson--please, email me), but I did find another good poem by Byron that also captures some of that sentiment:
"Bright Be the Place of Thy Soul"
Bright be the place of thy soul!
No lovelier spirit than thine
E'er burst from its mortal control
In the orbs of the blessed to shine.
On earth thou wert all but divine,
As thy soul shall immortally be;
And our sorrow may cease to repine,
When we know that thy God is with thee.
Light be the turf of thy tomb!
May its verdure like emeralds be:
There should not be the shadow of gloom
In aught that reminds us of thee.
Young flowers and an evergreen tree
May spring from the spot of thy rest:
But nor cypress nor yew let us see;
For why should we mourn for the blest!
- George Gordon, Lord Byron
I can think of no greater thing than to be remembered with love and happiness for a life well lived.
